Sometimes you just have to dig deep. This weekend has been so many things and it isn't even over yet. I feel like I have so many things I want to write about I just don't know where to start. So here it goes, I hope you can follow along...
So Doug has been offshore for over a week now and we are very lucky to be able to communicate on Facebook and occasionally talk on the phone... Tonight he messaged me and said, "life is AMAZING with you in it." He was being sweet and we can be sweet to each other and this was one of those moments when I said awe baby and felt good and all is right with the world...
As I walked in the kitchen I found myself contemplating... Life is AMAZING with me in it and I gathered a whole new perspective. If I am not in the game, If I am not doing the best I can, If I am not giving my all, If I am not in this life... actively making choices and picking myself up and not giving up.... then life isn't amazing. It's defeated and weary and
depressing and anxious and crazy and unbalanced and a million things.
I realized that even though I didn't think I did...
I know for sure I didn't want to...
I checked out.
I wasn't in it.
Do you ever feel like you just can't do it anymore but you know if you don't, there isn't anyone who can or will do what you HAVE to do, except for you?
My heart has been heavy with friends who are devastated by sickness, loss of a marriage or a relationship or a loved one and even is he ever going to make me the one? At some point we all checked out. It's a slow fade a crazy life process we don't even realize it's happening. Like our body is going through the motions because everything becomes monotonous. Maybe like taking the same way to work each morning... I bet after a couple years you could drive blindfolded and make it in better time then you ever did before. It's like just going through the motions without emotion!
I saw a quote today...
"Sometimes we don't see certain things until we are ready to see them a certain way."
I remembered this photo of me when I was little with a dog I really do not remember but on the back of the photo my mom wrote something... Love means never taking your eyes off one another.
If we never took our eyes off one another... meaning if we always encouraged, cared, loved and looked after each other then it is certainly a possibility this LIFE would truly be AMAZING because we are in it. Living it. Taking care of other and of our self. We may not know the plan but we are still going through the motions with a ton of emotion and loving every minute of it
because it feels good and we are happy.
I spent this weekend with old friends who no matter what have stood beside me, lifted me up and encouraged me. Even though I wasn't in it, they didn't give up on me. We laughed and created and cried and just enjoyed the moment. I made keeping my phone close a priority because Doug is working hard and he is in the middle of the ocean and our only line of communication is the phone. I was not going to take a chance on missing his call because I need to be there to encourage him and I certainly needed him to encourage me. For the first time in my life the word marriage does not scare me and I would marry him in a heartbeat... Is that the plan? not right now. Do I like it? No, I do not. Is it ok? Hell... yes it is because it is all in Gods timing. Not mine. Do I like that? NO!!!! but is it ok? YES. It isn't about getting my way it is about How amazing life is with me in it! So I am choosing to do just that. Enjoy every day I am given with an amazing man, amazing friends, amazing kids and an amazingly creative place that is a dream come true that I get the pleasure of calling my job!
I say I have plenty of blessings to be counting.
Don't take your eyes off the important stuff. It's really all that matters!