Well...I find myself tearing up today. I am not sad... I did not have a bad day...Things are actually getting back on track... I didn't realize when I actually derailed but that often happens as a slow fade. Meaning... little by little... things that are easily overlooked become a slight annoyance and then they become a little more annoying and a little more and a little more until bam... your off track... DERAILED.
We had a bible study at the store this week and we talked about sin in the same way. You may cuss or gossip or smoke or drink "just every once in a while" until it becomes a little more then you are cursing others and addicted and then you are just straight in rebellion because you know your relationship with the sin is greater then your relationship with God. DERAILED.
There are so many things I have realized about my past just taking my finger and pointing it at myself instead of blaming others. I know I may not have been the best friend, I know I may not have been the best wife, I know that I may not have been the best mother. Atleast I see it NOW... Picked up all the pieces of my broken heart and taped them all back together. God gives us grace and mercy. a fresh new day that he says we need to rejoice and be glad. Gosh... I wonder sometimes why it is so important to others to look at my life under the looking glass. Then I realize it is an easy escape for their own reality! So I am sorry for not knowing what it feels like to walk in your shoes. I am also sorry that you will never know what it is like to walk in mine. I am blessed. I am loved. I am free. I will rise above and become what I was born to be. I am passionate. I am finding adventure when I never had one. I am finding happiness even if it does not look like happiness to you. I know I am on a bit of a rant and please don't by any means take this personal. I have been called fake. I have been told I am a witch and I need to go back to hell where I came from. I have been called things I truly do not believe I am... but they sure stop you in your tracks and knock you on your butt. Especially when it is said by good friends or loved ones. I don't think their is a rule book that says everyone HAS to like me. I am okay with that. Why this post..
I love The Brave Girls Club Daily Truths. Just when I need some words of encouragement... one posts in my email box. Check this one out!
Dear Amazing Girl,
It's perplexing how we can go along feeling perfectly wonderful all day long...even for weeks at a time, even for months....feeling like we are on track, doing the right things...feeling completely content, grateful and like our life is our own and we are living it exactly the way we are supposed to be individually living it...and then BAM! WHAM! SLAM!! ..... we get the wind knocked out of us.
What are some of the the things that stop us dead in our tracks and take our wind away? Comparing. Criticizing. Complaining. Doubting. Fearing. Imagining the worst. Letting other people get to us. Letting opinions get to us. Letting the ways of the world get to us.
Beautiful girl....remember that bumps in the road and bad days are completely normal...even when we are on track. Remember that things happen that could potential derail us, but that we have the power to not allow that to happen. Remember that WHENEVER we spend ANY time comparing our lives, or our selves, or our bodies, or our homes, or our jobs or our children to ANYONE else's life and everything that goes along with it...it never goes anywhere good. Remember that YOU ARE ONE IN 7 BILLION......incomparable, unforgettable and just right exactly as you are.
A great way to get all of the air back in your lungs and your feet moving in the right direction is simply to keep kindness and good thoughts in your heart...to be happy for others....to let go of worries...to let things go and live simply....to give and love and serve without expecting anything in return.....and to REMEMBER that bad days always turn around and there's a tomorrow after them that is brand new...and ready to be painted beautiful colors.
You are gonna make it. You ARE making it.
You are very very very loved.
Sometimes we just need a little confirmation to rock us to sleep at night. It has been a long day. I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds. I know it is going to be good... even better then good!