Sunday, June 17, 2012

Find joy in the journey!

Disclosure. brutally honest content!

So 6 months ago I moved out... Left my husband... Filed for divorce and the reason why does not matter any more. It is what it is. I did it. I will have to answer for it. So many people have given me advice, prayed, loved me through this and even hated me through this. I am so thankful for it all. The life lessons I have experienced have brought me to forgiveness. I prayed for the Lord to show me the good in my husband, I prayed for reconciliation and did what I could and then some to work things out. Ultimately the decision is all on me. I didn't like being in a position to have to make that decision because I take my vows very seriously but even more I take the word of God seriously. My relationship with God is MINE. I hear HIM. I listen to HIM. I do what HE says. HE is my authority. So I am going for it.... Life that is. I want to do life with real people. Go to a church that serves a real God. Gods plan for us is to go higher! Gods plan is for more then we could ever imagine!

I have not been in church for 6 months, But I have drawn closer to God in the past 6 months then ever in my life. He is all I have. He is the only one who truly loves me unconditionally. I used to love church and lately I have been really longing for that fellowship. We started bible study up again at the store but there is just something about praising God and  I just love worship. Well, Today I went to church. I was going to go last week but I didn't. Yesterday a friend asked if I was going and I said I wasn't feeling it... Well I have not been feeling it because of a series of events and in the natural this girl wanted to run far away from the church... when it isn't the church at all. It was something someone or lots of someones said that hurt my feelings. It is selfish on my part the reasons why I was NEVER going to go to church again. I had my relationship with God I was determined to do it my way... Well that is where the forgiveness came in! I forgave the ones who said hurtful things but more important I forgave myself. I look at my marriage and think what the hell went wrong.  We got busy, we let the hustle and bustle of bills, work, kids, and what other people thought our life should be. God designed us all different and each of us has a predestined plan for our life.My measure of success was different from my husband. We grew apart and away from God. Even though we both say we love the Lord He was not present in my marriage.  We did life separately, slowly. One day I woke up and didn't even know who my husband was. It is all a slow fade. You make choices, compounded with more choices and more choices... all of the sudden you are picking up the pieces of those choices. Today, I had to fill out a paper for my kids to go to VBS. On the form was an emergency contact person... I usually put my husband... today I left it blank. Reality is... I left 6 month ago with less then I arrived with. God is good and his mercy endures forever! I have been blessed beyond measure and my store is doing better then ever. I put my trust in God and not in man. I use the gifts and talents God has given me and its working! I have more today then ever in my life. I am so excited to see what God has everyday. Sweet surprises. I prayed on the way to church today... Please God show me that I am on the right path in life. Please hold my hand through this journey. When I walked in the church, the first thing I saw was a sign that said FIND JOY IN THE JOURNEY. God wants us to have joy and happiness. I choose to find the joy along the way... I know when I trust in him and walk in love and forgiveness that the journey will be so worth it. Not always easy but worth it! Today I know I am worth it. 

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