Saturday, May 2, 2015

Amazing is even more amazing then I thought!

Today is a day to dream, reflect and soak up some of this peace I have been overwhelmed with.

It is interesting to me the things people focus in on and what is so important to some is not important at all to others. Working a desk job, a big girl job, a "real" job some have called it,  is turning out to be more then I ever expected. I have met amazing people, I am learning somethings I never knew existed and brushing up on my typing skills. Yeah, that last one is a joke. For those of you who wonder what it is I can't do. It's type. I am getting better but I am too much of a perfectionist to take my eyes off the keyboard. Thank goodness for cut and paste. I was always really good at that. Nobodies perfect. Right?  This "real" job means security, health benefits, it means getting comfortable and it means time on my hands is rare. It is however very quiet in the office today and I find myself thinking pretty hard on the past few years after my divorce. This time alone has brought me face to face with choices I always thought would be made with my husband. It has taken a long time for me to realize that this has been really good for me. I needed to grow up. I needed to step up. I needed to be comfortable in my own skin. You have heard me say it before, I needed to find myself But I really wasn't lost, just drifting. The chance to stop and smell the roses didn't come often. That roller coaster of emotions was a crazy ride called LIFE. I am typing this with a smile on my face in awe of where LIFE has planted me. Roots, Balance, Faith, Peace, Love. It certainly is not all perfect but it is sure amazing. Everyone has a past. Hopefully we all learn from it more sooner then later. The present is setting the stage for what is to come and the future is wide open. Today I take it one day at a time. There are some days when I seriously lose it. Like crazy lose it. It's the days when its just way too much to carry on my own but its OK. Thank God for tomorrow. More important Thank goodness I can look up and know I am never alone. So as the pieces of the puzzle start to come together, the chapters in the book get longer and are filled with memories I will hold onto. I watch and wonder what the future holds. Finally watching with excitement knowing I have not settled or compromised even if it meant going against the grain or cutting the strings that held on to me like a puppet. I realize life is good and that spending my life with someone amazing may not be such a figment of my imagination. It is just a little different then I have gotten used to and different is really good. Funny how we settle and compromise not realizing it just to be accepted. There is a plan for sure and it is not my own. The peace I have found is not in searching and planning and holding on... it's just the opposite. My peace is found in forgiving, loving, letting go and staying true to my beliefs and myself.

Today is the day to choose to be anchored. Things didn't work out the way I wanted them to and I tried many times and failed. However in that failure revealed a true story of faith. What seemed like failure was just a test to show myself that amazing is even more amazing then I thought.

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