Almost deleted...

It has not always amazed me how time flies... but it seems I blinked and here I am. What happened?

I was reading some of my blog posts, a year ago I was posting about my husband, family and disconnecting from my blog because sometimes you just have to give up some stuff on your plate. I do enjoy writing on my blog. I don't consider myself the english teacher, perfect in grammer and content sort of writer. I just write what is in my head. I almost deleted my blog because of those past posts. Yep, shame hit really hard. I am a woman of faith, driven by faith and I love my God. How could I say in one post My husband is amazing and in another I am divorcing him. Did I really want this for my life and for my children. No way, No how... BUT I do want love. I want my boys to see first hand how they are to treat the woman of their dreams one day. I want my daughter to know that God has someone special for her and not tell me everyday of her life she is not going to get married because of what she has seen. I don't want my kids to be stuck in an environment with 2 people who can't communicate or compromise. In the church... Divorce is frowned upon but the actions that drove a person to actually file are looked at as things in the past and we just need to get over it. Hello, our church leaders need to boldly address the issues and not enable the sin... come on, it is not always cookie cutter. We were asked in counseling... after several sessions of counseling. I thought I was being clear... Guess I wasn't. Is there pornography, infidelity and  abuse? Cause those are the reasons in the bible you can get divorced... Okay but what about the things God really hates... Proverbs 6: 16-19 ( I found this online while studying this morning... We all get stuck on one scripture but the whole word of God is our strength... It is our life book.)

Arrogant Eyes: Don’t look at others and hold yourself higher because you know more truths then they do, or because you have a gift that another does not. They could look at you the same way. We are not all the same.

If you feel the need for arrogance, or to be arrogant, look at what about that person makes you feel arrogant, and turn to your heart and ask, “Why does this bother ME?” Then fix it and the arrogance will be gone. If you don’t fix it, you will struggle as you try to, or choose to walk without arrogance.

John responded, “Master, we saw someone driving out demons in Your name, and we tried to stop him because he does not follow us.” “Don’t stop him,” Jesus told him, “because whoever is not against you is for you.” — Luke 9:49-50

A Lying Tongue: We aren’t to be saying things as truths in order to get ahead; or, to be seen as better than you are; or, to cover something shameful. We also don’t want to speak untruths purposely to appear smarter or more holy.

But that is not how you learned about the Messiah, assuming you heard Him and were taught by Him, because the truth is in Jesus: You took off your former way of life, the old man that is corrupted by deceitful desires; Since you put away lying, speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, because we are members of one another. — Ephesians 4:20-21, 25

Hands That Shed Innocent Blood: Destroying innocent or blameless people by killing their will, their dignity, their gift given by God. By putting people down in these areas as harmless as this one may seem, it allows for worse things to come in.

(This led to Saul’s desire to kill David. It started out emotionally and then physically.)

Saul was furious and resented this song. “They credited tens of thousands to David,” he complained, “but they only credited me with thousands. What more can he have but the kingdom?” So Saul watched David jealousy from that day forward. The next day an evil spirit from God took control of Saul, and he began to rave inside the palace. — 1Samual 18:8-10

A Heart That Plots Wicked Schemes: Speaking, thinking, wishing, spiteful, hurtful—by doing any of these only feeds the flesh. We need to train our hearts to purposely practice kindness, gentleness, etc. (Galatians 5:22-23). Otherwise we move nowhere.

Though they intend to harm you and devise a wicked plan, they will not prevail. —Psalms 21:11

Feet Eagar to Run to Evil: Going to places you know God isn’t in the middle of: TV, books, friends, parties, drugs, booze. Instead of running to Him you run to something “evil” for comfort. Take time to go to God and get right and then seek out what made you run, or want to run.

Finally be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. Put on the armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil. For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens.
— Ephesians 6: 10-13

Lying Witness Who Gives False Testimony: You don’t know or understand the truths from God, but are spreading around untruths to others and not allowing them the right to grow. Teach your spouse (understood that ‘spouse’ also meant children and/or family) what God shows you and the one listening needs to accept it as truth.

He answered them, “The secret of the kingdom of God has been granted to you, but to those outside, everything comes in parables so that they may look and look, yet not perceive; they may listen and listen, yet not understand; otherwise, they might turn back—and be forgiven.”

He also said, “Is a lamp brought in to be put under a basket or under a bed? Isn’t it to be put on a lampstand? For nothing is concealed except to be revealed, and nothing hidden except to come to light. If anyone has ears to hear, he should listen! Then He said to them, “Pay attention to what you hear. By the measure you use, it will be measured and added to you. For to the one who has, it will be given, and from the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken away.” —Mark 4:11-12, 21-25

One Who Stirs Up Trouble Among Brothers: Don’t gossip maliciously! Don’t tell a person that someone is doing something on purpose for the purpose that you know it will upset, bother or anger the person you are telling. If you do not know if it will bother them or not, even if you think it won’t, don’t say it if you INTEND to get a malicious reaction from the one you are telling. It will or could cause them to then sin in anger. If the one you are “gossiping” about is doing wrong – go to them and help them.

For we hear that there are some among you who walk irresponsibility, not working at all, but interfering with the work [of others]. Now we command and exhort such people, by the Lord Jesus Christ, that quietly working, they may eat their own bread. Brothers, do not grow weary in doing good. And if anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take note of that person; don’t associate with him, so that he may be ashamed. Yet don’t treat him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.
—2Thesaloanians 3:11-15

Sorry, A bit of a rant.

Watch ME do exactly as GOD has asked me.... Forever and with a pure heart!

It surprises, well actually now it really does not the judgement that has come against me. Yes... I filed for divorce. I did give up on my marriage. I was not kicked out. He did not leave me. I chose to walk away.  I did go against every teaching on marriage there is out there. I sure did. Because I know the plans God has for me... they are for GOOD not disaster!

Jeremiah 29:11

New Living Translation (NLT)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

For those of you who really know me I am straight forward. I tell it like it is. In fact I say all the time " it is what it is"! What is the point of sugar coating or telling a half truth just to smooth over a situation. That is a temporary solution to the true problem! We all know that the whole truth comes out and BAM... you find yourself saying wow, I did not see that coming but you really did. You just believed the half truth yourself! When you are in the muck you can't see it. When you trust God and get in your quiet place with him. He will take your hand and guide you. I am by no means saying God told me to get a divorce. I am saying however. For MY life, MY situation and in MY prayer time. I was given a release and a peace the surpasses ALL understanding! The things that needed to happen to turn this all into a miracle were there. We both knew what to do. I can't make him and he can't make me. We decide.  Only I will answer for my decisions. and I am okay with that. God knows my heart and I don't have to defend it!

So here today is a post of a bunch of random thoughts. All of this because I was going to delete my blog and start over... But them I thought it is a bit of my life. Whoever wants to read it can. It is what it is... I loved my husband and did not ever want to go thru a divorce. I had to make choices. We all have to everyday.