Thursday, November 5, 2009

A song.... A life story and a tissue alert!

I have been writing some long blog posts lately... This is me....Unscripted and unedited....No details just brushing the surface....Just wanted to share some thoughts!!!!

I was listening to a CD in my car today at lunch time. I have had this CD since we got the new car and I have listened to the CD over and over but never paid attention I guess...With kids screaming and fighting, phone ringing, fast forward and rewind of the music by my 15 year old and well you all know what distractions occur in a vehicle. Not today... I was by myself and I heard the words loud and brought tears to my eyes. I believe we all go thru seasons in life...You have great days and horrible days. You walk up the mountain and back down and even stay in the valley....sometimes longer than I ever want to. I may get a little personal in this blog post....Say some things that many of you do not know about me....But it is all to tell you that no matter what has happened, is happening and will happen in life keep on walking. Each season you walk thru just makes you stronger and wiser. The song is Behind the Scenes by Francesca Battistelli. She is a christian music artist. Click on this YOU TUBE link to hear the song.

Here are the lyrics...

You may think
I’m just fine
How could anything
Ever be out of line?

I take my time
To set the stage
To make sure everything
Is all in place

Even though I’ve got the lines rehearsed
A picture only paints a thousand words

Things aren’t always what they seem
You’re only seeing part of me
There’s more than you could ever know
Behind the scenes
I’m incomplete and I’m undone
But I suppose like everyone
There’s so much more that’s going on
Behind the scenes

Sometimes I can’t see
Through the dark
Surrounding me
And at times I’m unsure
About the ground
Beneath my feet
If it’s safe and sound

When it’s hard to find hope in the unseen
I have peace in knowing it will find me


You may think I’m just fine
How could anything ever be out of line?


I am 33 years old. I got married at 17 to runaway from my home....My grandfather who was my daddy....did not approve and told me " I do not approve of this marriage but I will pay for it...Yes, my mom signed for me to get married { cause you have to do that in California, Which is where I spent 23 years of my life} but it was always so crazy around my house growing up! We had a house full of girls...My mom and me and my 5 younger sisters. I have twin sisters who are 2 years older than my 15 year old daughter. I had Alexandria when I was 18, When Alex was a year old my husband had an affair, then another, then another...til I could not count anymore how many times he chose another woman over his own wife....This is where the phrase young and dumb comes into play....I spent 6 years trying to prove everyone wrong....I did not want to hear "I told you so"....tried to leave and found out I was pregnant....chose to stay for the kids....he joined the military and we moved to San Diego and things got worse! We divorced...He was my one and only...We had been together since I was 14. I have a son who is 12. I have not seen my baby boy or heard from my ex in 9 years. There is one word to describe how I make it through each day cause I know you are asking that question right now and that is FAITH....I know he is OK and he will be back in his mommies arms even if he is 30 years old....Well that was one of those dark valleys I walked thru for much longer than I wanted to. Our marriage was over long before I knew it was over...

After 3 short months in a separation and divorce precedings, I walk into a building to pick up my room mate, I hear words shouted out across the room, " There you are I have been waiting for you my whole life"! I knew the guy was talking to me but All I kept telling myself was I am not good enough to hear those words, Great line, He knows nothing about me, I am a piece of garbage that was just thrown to the curb.....Well, That man is now my husband....Jasin. Sent to me....a gift from the Lord above. We walked thru many valleys to get to where we are today. Including the loss of my grandfather and distroyed relationship with my mother and grandmother.....Here is where wisdom comes into play......Count your blessings .....I have 4 beautiful children I can hug and kiss all I want and one handsome boy who never leaves my thoughts. I have a supportive, amazing, hard-working man of God for a husband....Who just happens to be the worlds best dad and he's a pretty darn good cook, too. I have REAL friends who dispite all my short comings love me anyways.

This song just really grabbed my heart today... you see the outside appearance of a person and make assumptions, gossip and pass judgement..... you do not know what is going on in that persons life. When they speak mean words to you, try not to take it personal. Do not get angry. Walk away and pray for that person. Words come straight from your heart and when the heart is cold it may or may not have been something they could have avoided. I know you make choices...right and wrong...your attitude determines how you live your life. Your life is what you make it but sometimes it is way out of your hands....I talk so much about my faith because there is so much going on BEHIND THE SCENES that I gotta have faith to keep getting up in the morning. I choose to wake up and be a "strong passionate woman of God"! I choose to wake up asking God what I can do for him today instead of fighting with the devil.

Why am I sharing this with all my blog friends..... Life is so short.... We spend alot of time dwelling on things that really are not important. Faith in God is important...Family is important....Friends are important....I am important.....I know I have walked thru many battles in my mind and in life....I choose to keep on walking and I am never gonna stop....I will take time to smell the roses, I will nurture friendships and prayerfully break the curses that have trapped my family for generations. I will be " a strong passionate woman of God"! I will stand for what I believe. I will be true and genuine...

Who are you behind the scenes....don't feel like you are all alone. We all have skeletons in our closets and weights tied to our ankles....Are you gonna make the choice to open the closet door and let those skeletons out and cut the chains to the things that weigh you down....There is freedom....


  1. WOW, you brought tears in my eyes, but you are so right!! We do have to keep faith walking through life and it can be hard sometimes but we have to go on!!! Thanks for your honesty and that you wanted to share this with us!!!
    Big Hug, Hanneke

  2. wow


  3. Amy, thank you so much for sharing the beautiful song and your story. We are true sisters of the heart - I too married early to escape (my father was very abusive), realized my marriage was a mistake (husband was also unfaithful and even more), had my son, tried to stick it out but finally gave in while Brian was still a baby (I could deal with one baby but not two), struggled and grew as a single mother, met the most wonderful co-worker who was also going through a difficult time, and eventually married him - Dan, my DH of many years. He and Brian have always had a very close relationship as Brian was forced to learn early on that his father was not reliable. We moved to Florida when Brian was 11 and he has grown to be an exceptional young man. My father died after I left home, and I was able to reconnect with my mother, and we became the very best of friends until she passed. I understand what you mean about freedom, about faith, about moving on, about love, and about friendship. No matter how depressed or sad I may have been at night, I have always awakened each morning with hope and faith. We are never truly alone as God is always with us. Thank you again for sharing - love that song - and have a great weekend.

  4. Oh Amy....I have cried through this whole post....tears of understanding, empathy and happiness!!!! You are a strong and wonderful women and thank you for sharing this with all of us!!!!! Life is filled with happiness and some sadness...but Faith is the one thing that stands by our sides.....I know mine has been tried lately and I keep on pushing through!!!! I send you thanks today for this gift that you have given me!!!!! Lots of love!!!! :-)

  5. Wow... you know how all things happen for a reason? Well it was meant to be that I checked out your blog today! I brought the kids over to visit their grandpa who is not expected to live much longer (which you already knew from my wed. cry session!).. I put aside my feelings for my mother in law who has not always been so nice. Any way I excuse myself to the restroom and hanging on the wall is a little writing and at the bottom it said "Be kinder than necessary for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. I ran got a pencil and wrote it down. Dont ask me why? After ready your post and hearing you touch on those same points.... It just all makes since. Life is short and only the begining...Our trials only make us stronger.

  6. Amy....don't know what to say...
    I'm impressed by your life-story. Wished I could be with you right now and just give you a big, big hug telling you everything will be okay..
    Love you even more now!!

    Thousand hugs,


  7. You always make me cry, you are the strong hearted one, the one who knows best, the one who is wise and knows what love is. I truly value our relationship more than anything or anybody. You have been my strength even when we are in different seasons, your heart is always with me and I respect your life and your wish to 'move on'. I can't tell you enough that you inspire me. I look up to you. I always have. I always will. I don't care what the assumptions are that run through our veins but I KNOW that I love you for who you were, who you are and who you will always be to me, My Sister.


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